


like october

by sharkfish



Series: october [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Asexual Character, Asexual Dean Winchester, Asexuality, Kissing, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-30
Updated: 2017-03-30
Packaged: 2018-10-13 00:54:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10503060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sharkfish/pseuds/sharkfish
Summary: “Listen,” Dean says, “I just don’t like sex, ok?”Cas pulls back. Like he’s disgusted, Dean thinks. “Oh,” Cas says. “Ok.”





	

Cas kisses like his mouth was meant for it, like his mouth was meant for Dean’s, and Dean hums into it, unbelievably happy in this one moment, this one kiss. But then Cas’s hands grip his hips and pull Dean into his lap, straddling his thighs, and Dean can feel Cas half-hard and wanting underneath him. 

It’s not that Dean hadn’t already thought about this. Even if their first three dates ended with relatively chaste kisses, even if Cas just held his hand and didn’t so far as grab Dean’s ass, Dean knew it wouldn’t be long before Cas wanted something else. Something more. And Dean already decided he’d give it to him, because Dean really, really likes Cas. 

Dean just concentrates on the way Cas’s tongue feels against his own and ignores Cas tugging on his hips to grind downwards against Cas’s groin. But he can’t ignore for long, because lovers want something more than just a pliant body to play with, Dean has learned, so he steels himself and rolls his ass down against where he can feel Cas straining. Dean pushes his hands into Cas’s hair and pulls him closer. When Cas’s hands slide inside his shirt, Dean pretends the tremor that runs through him is arousal, not… whatever is wrong with Dean. 

“Wait,” Cas says into Dean’s kiss. 

Dean stops the nearly timid exploration of his own hands. He doesn’t open his eyes, even though he can feel Cas’s on him. 

“You’re shaking,” Cas says softly. “Are you ok?” 

“I’m fine,” Dean says. 

But Cas leans further away from him and his hands come out from where they are hot on Dean’s back, pulling the hem of Dean’s shirt down as they go. “Too fast?” Cas says, that same soft voice. 

“No,” Dean says. He has to open his eyes, he knows that, but he can’t make himself look at Cas and lie at the same time. “It’s fine, Cas, come on.” 

Cas’s hands are on Dean’s hips again, but instead of pulling him closer, Cas is guiding Dean off of him and on to the couch. 

When Dean looks, Cas is upset. “Cas,” Dean says, desperately, reaching for him. 

Cas grabs Dean’s hand before it can start unbuttoning Cas’s jeans. Instead Cas just weaves his fingers with Dean’s and squeezes his hand. “Talk to me,” Cas says.

Dean has learned the hard way that nothing good comes of talking about this, nothing good comes of telling the truth, and he  _ likes _ Cas, so there’s no way he’s going to say it. But no one has ever stopped before, either, to ask if he was  _ ok _ . So he really has no idea what to do and just ends up staring at his hand joined with Cas’s.

“Dean?” Cas says. 

Staring at their hands and not Cas’s eyes, Dean can find it within himself to lie. “I want you,” he says, “so much.” 

He glances up and Cas is just blinking rapidly, staring. “No, you don’t,” Cas says quietly. “Not like I want you.” 

Dean flinches. Jerks his hand away. “I like you,” Dean says, “I really do, I just -- I just --” 

“Don’t want to fuck me?” 

“There’s something wrong with me,” Dean says. 

Cas’s eyebrows come together. “If you have an STD or something, we can figure that out. What is it?” 

“No,” Dean says, voice getting fainter. “It’s nothing like that.” 

Cas’s eyes are searching Dean’s. Cas’s eyes are the bluest blue Dean has ever seen, and he could drown in the arctic ice melt of them, just swim there forever, but he doesn’t know what Cas sees when he looks at him. 

“I can’t just keep guessing,” Cas says. “But if you don’t want to talk to me about it…” 

Dean’s not sure what that means, the way Cas trails off. It sounds almost like a threat, and Dean suddenly wants to cry. God, he is such a fucking baby. You’d think with all the time he’s spent faking it, he could at least manage to do it this time, for someone he actually gives a shit about. 

“Listen,” Dean says, “I just don’t like sex, ok?” 

Cas pulls back. Like he’s disgusted, Dean thinks. “Oh,” Cas says. “Ok.”

“Sorry,” Dean mutters, getting up from the couch and heading for his shoes in the entry way.

“Hey,” Cas says, “don’t go. We were going to watch Jurassic Park.” 

“No, we were going to fuck, and I ruined that, so --” 

“Dean.” Cas stands and separates Dean from the door with his body. “Is that the only reason you think I asked you to come over? Because I wanted to fuck you?” 

“Well? Isn’t it?” 

“I know we don’t know each other that well,” Cas says carefully, “but surely you know I wouldn’t have gone out with you three and a half times if that’s all I was looking for.” 

“Three and a half? Where does that come from?” 

“The half being right now. I’m trying to get us to a solid four, but you’re making it difficult.” 

Cas offers a smile and Dean can’t help but smile back. God, that smile kills him. It’s a perfect vibration in his teeth all the way down to his bones. It makes his hands tingle, wanting to touch Cas. Wanting to hug him and kiss him and stroke his hair and hold his hand. Just not the other stuff.

“Movie?” Cas says. “We don’t have to talk about the sex thing if you don’t want to.” 

“Don’t you think I’m fucked up?” 

“For not liking sex?” Cas shrugs. “I don’t like pie, and you didn’t stop seeing me over that.” 

“Almost did,” Dean says, and Cas laughs. It’s even better than his smile, it’s Dean’s favorite sound in the world, and Dean wants to know all the ways he can make Cas so full of mirth.

Dean is in really deep for three and a half dates, so he steps forward and presses a kiss against Cas’s smiling mouth. 

“Hey,” Cas says, “you don’t have to do that.” 

“I want to.” 

“But nothing else?” 

Dean shakes his head, mute. 

“I can work with that,” Cas says, leaning up to kiss Dean again. His lips part and Dean takes the invitation to lick into Cas’s mouth. Dean likes kissing, always has, but never has it felt like this, so all-encompassing.

Still kissing, Cas backs Dean towards the couch. “Sit,” Cas says. “I’ll grab a couple beers.” 

Still mute, Dean nods and sits in the center of the couch. When Cas returns with beers in hand, Dean is rubbing both hands over his face. Cas taps his arm with a cold beer and says, “Are you ok?” 

“Yeah,” Dean says. “Thanks for the beer. And, um, not kicking me out.” 

Cas smiles, leans over and kisses Dean’s cheek, says, “So, how do you feel about cuddling?” 

“ _ Cuddling _ ?” 

Cas shrugs. “I was going to ask you to stay the night. Offer still stands.” Hurriedly: “No sex. But I’ll make you breakfast in the morning.” 

Dean can’t help but grin. This he can do. And now he really, really,  _ really _ likes Cas, so he says, “Yeah. That’s cool.”

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> [reallyelegantsharkfish](http://reallyelegantsharkfish.tumblr.com) on tumblr
> 
> comments activate my praise kink.


End file.
